Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Jo: "My story. Kinda"

This was sent to me by Jo, another member of our community. We all have unique stories, but so much in common. Please comment to show support and offer encouragement. 
 ~ Evie

It's taken me days and many cigarettes to finally email you.
How much of my story to tell? And it's just began.
He hasn't even been sentenced yet.
I have so much hurt and this has just started.
My house was raided January 28th. I still sometimes have panic attacks when I lay down to sleep.
I'm sitting at my neighbors apartment emailing you from my phone because my apartment is too toxic. That and the department of justice has my computer.
My husband is being charged with 4 counts of possession of child porn
The 4 days he spent in jail, as pathetic as it sounds, I physically hurt.
I had amazing friends by my side making sure that I ate and did their best to make me feel better
Then he was released on a signature bond.
Those first few days he was the husband I'd always wanted.
My heart broke as he cried and told me how sorry he was.
I knew he had a porn addiction, I just never expected it to get so has he started looking at children.
He explained that his disability (spinia bifida) made him too self conscious  to pursue relationships as a kid.
Our disabilities are a big part of how we got together. I have Cerebral palsy. In case you were wondering.
I listened to to his explanation of his addition.
I believed him and maybe I still do. I don't know anything anymore.
I made the decision to move out today. He was being an asshole the entire day. It's easy to be strong when he's a jerk.
I know he's probably hurting and that kills me. But I have to heal myself.
Hoping to get my own apartment asap.
Well at least I got part of my story out.

If you would like to share your story or a topic you think is important, please go here

3 comments:

  1. I just wanted to let you know that I read what you wrote. You sound smart and realistic. You are important and your needs are important. I am glad you are taking care of yourself. Be strong!

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  2. I'm glad to hear you say, "But I have to heal myself." I'm glad you already realize it's important to take care of yourself, that he has to be the one to take care of his problems...or not..
    Recently on Not the Life I Chose, another woman said she stayed with her spouse because all along she believed she was the only one who could help him, She left when she realized that was not true.
    I'm glad you have amazing friends there to help you through this.It is not easy. Please come back and let us know how things are going. You are in good company.

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  3. The house raid. It makes you sick to even walk back in it after strangers have rifled through all of your things.... I understand.

    you have a long road ahead of you and it's great that you are taking care of YOU. much love and ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete